Through and through
2026 - Miré Regulus

June 2026: after the Surge

In daylight I walk around acting
as though my resilience is infinite
Sometimes I think: “ain’t no way, ain’t no way that’s gonna last”

The wake-up ache hesitates a 
half-second then snatches attention 
throbs a dull wave rolling across 
the field of my lower abdomen 
or my heart

            Happening nightly 
               for months and months again
                     it used to be this anxiety shake
                        was about work
                           back when I realized
                              the rat race 
                                 wasn’t a freedom 
                                   simply claiming 
too much

                                       Now it’s just about being alive
                                           in this town
                                          in this time
                                           in this bullseye

                                       Stock-black dreamlessness 
                                       hovers dark common as death
                until shockedawake 
                              a mind-made palm-sized rock              drops to breaksurface                                                          sweepacross       below my skin                never escaping                         

                 Heat smothers my spirit               
   seconds tick             
   listening for 
                 the nearest-to-quiet available in these highway-buzzed urban green plots

                 Hearing my breath the only breath                my thoughts the only thoughts 
                held together here another night                   by  my resilience boundaried

They’re trying 
to break me trying 
to break you and 
weaken us
weaken our witnessing 
with eyes
heart
hand open

“The problem’s right there,” they say
Shrouding drapes 
on top underneath
around through my land
a tug of war woven there 

A dread simpering 
a weakness of ego
I don’t understand
a terrified terrifying 
petulant grandiosity
I don’t buy

It’s me
   It’s you
         It’s us
working so hard
for a future called in by effort
by ancestor and faint joy expanding
                                                   fingers flexing
                                                                then digging
                                                                        then reaching
                                                                                    striving to land a full bounty

                                                                        Hearts still beat lively across my land